Well today is May 2, 2012. I have let time slip away again. So much has happened since I last wrote. Sarah turned 17, Noah is 12, Ryan is 27. Becca is back and Mike has been flying a lot more. So let's start with Sarah.
Sarah is driving now. Trying to get her own car. She went through a driving class, that her mean parents made her pay for! And I'm glad she took that class. She is more aware of the others on the road and swears she won't even look at her phone while driving. Which I am glad about. Mike and I are looking into a used car for her to drive. But for now she gets to drive the van. Ugh. She has had her first fender bender with my car. She was pulling out of a parking space at church and she hit the car beside her. She thought it was a good friend of the family but turned out to be the pastors car. She was scared to tell him but she did. I was proud of her for speaking up and telling him what she did. He took it in stride too. His and my car are all fixed now. But I have pictures to prove it. Hopefully I will be able to put them on here as well.
Noah is in the 7 th grade and has a girlfriend. He even took her in a date. They went to the movies to see hunger games. He was even thinking about her younger brother and gave him some money for the arcade before the movie started. Lol he wanted to make a good impression on her family.
How do I say goodbye to my mom. How can I do that and not hurt? Memories keep coming to me and I laugh or I cry mostly I cry. I cry because I didn’t write down that favorite recipe she always made when we came home. I cry because I should have had more patience with her. I cry because I won’t be able to sit and have tea with her. Ever. Never again. I cry for myself. I cry for my brothers. I cry for my children and their children. How do I make this hurt any less than it does? How do I make the tears stop flowing? Is there a way to make them stop? Maybe laughter. Maybe that is the way. Remember the good times. Remember hotdog soup. Remember frying pans knocking someone out. Remember the car rides to grandmas house. Remember the summer trips. Laughing helps but not for long. Family around me will be sure to help. Getting together and celebrating her. That will help. I now know that nothing will help. I think this hurt will last the rest of my life. I don’t want this. I want my mom....
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