Ahh the Crazy life I lead.

As I sit here typing this my mom is sleeping in a hospital bed. Princeton, Il is where we are at. Mom and I drove out to Iowa to celebrate the graduation of Zach. We had a great time visiting and I am even thinking of bringing Sarah and Noah back in the summer. Zach showed me the dairy farm that he works at, and Hannah almost killed me when she saw me. She ran so fast and tackled me. I enjoyed getting to see Susan and meeting Perry. Titus is growing too fast and Susan parents are very special people. The few days I was with them made me realize just how much I miss them. On the way home yesterday, Mom started to feel like she couldn't catch her breath. I pulled over and she did a breathing treatment. It really didn't seem to help but I thought if we stopped and slept she would be better in the am. Well at 4am mom woke me and said she couldn't breath. I decided to have the hotel call an ambulance to bring her to the closest hospital. The staff here at Perry memorial Hospital has been great. Knowing we are so far from home they have gone out of thier way to be helpful. I was on my way back home early because Noah has to go into the hospital tomorrow for a scope. I feel like crap because I am not there. Noah has been having problems with his stomach for a little over a year now and the Doctor sent him to a specialist. We have done blood tests and found out he is border line allergic to tomatoes, milk, and wheat. Since Cyliac runs in our family we had that checked as well. (that came back negative) Tomorrow he will be in the hospital at 8am getting his scope done. He is taking this like a trooper. He knows this has to be done and hasn't complained at all.
Anyway, Mom is now in the hospital for "a few days" per the er doctor. She has been getting breathing treatments that help a little but not alot. When she moves she coughs and the breathing problems start all over again.
The next graduation is Kathalina's in June. I am taking Noah, mom, grandma. Paul is bringing Maclaine, Suri, and Jamie. Chuckie says he isn't sure yet. Hopefully he can get there. We all haven't been together at the same time since my wedding 17 years ago. Time flies.
Well, I am going to get going so I can make a few calls. I hope to post more later. Atleast pictures.

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Letters from the Heart

How do I say goodbye to my mom. How can I do that and not hurt? Memories keep coming to me and I laugh or I cry mostly I cry. I cry because I didn’t write down that favorite recipe she always made when we came home. I cry because I should have had more patience with her. I cry because I won’t be able to sit and have tea with her. Ever. Never again. I cry for myself. I cry for my brothers. I cry for my children and their children. How do I make this hurt any less than it does? How do I make the tears stop flowing? Is there a way to make them stop? Maybe laughter. Maybe that is the way. Remember the good times. Remember hotdog soup. Remember frying pans knocking someone out. Remember the car rides to grandmas house. Remember the summer trips. Laughing helps but not for long. Family around me will be sure to help. Getting together and celebrating her. That will help. I now know that nothing will help. I think this hurt will last the rest of my life. I don’t want this. I want my mom....

Letters from Mom

I was starting a new project today and came across a plastic filing cabinet that was not unpacked. I had seen it for a while now but didn't really think much of it. I am not sure what got me to unpack it today. The first thing I did was cut the wrapping off and on the top of it was a letter. I didn't think much of it until I saw the handwriting. It was my moms'. It was a letter written to me dated May 20, 2002. I don't remember the letter and have no clue what was going on in my life at that time. I don't remember the conversation Mom was talking about in the letter. I can say that I am glad I held onto the letter. To be honest I tend to hold on the all letters written to me. I have a bunch from Mike and Grandma too. I am sure I have more from others as well. Its funny how you don't think to keep things for later years. I am glad I am sentimental. So in this letter, Mom tells me she is proud of me. Right before I le...

it all started with gummy worms.

February 2, 2019 another day that will be hard for me to forget. My mother, went home to be with her Lord and Savior. 4:00 in the afternoon. It has only been 5 months but it seems like yesterday. Why when sad, or crappy things happen do we tend to remember everything. Mom was in rehab for her leg. She fell down the basement steps on Ryan’s Birthday. Just the last two steps. She misjudged and thought she was on the last step but actually had 2 more to walk down. She broke her leg. Her tibia was split by her femur. We called 911 and had her taken to the hospital via ambulance. Mom remembered the women who arrived to take her to the hospital. She remembered the firemen that helped to carry her upstairs to the waiting in gurney. She remembered the emergency room. And the doctors she met there. She was transferred to the third floor to await surgery to fix the leg. She didn’t really remember that. She remembered the people who helped her but not being on the floor. She didn’t...

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