Nana was in the hospital back in Jan when my oldest brother came up to visit. We went over to see her and my dad in the hospital. It was nice to visit and time to catch up. Nana was tired although she tried to tell us she wasn't. It was a very nice visit and she was going to a rehab center that Monday. She had been there before and she liked it there. She was looking forward to going back. I took a picture of her the last time she was there in a rainbow shirt. I made a comment about the shirt and she told me she had it for well over 20 years. She said everyone has commented on the shirt.
She went to rehab and then her legs started to bother her again. I know that the reason she went to rehab the first time was because of her legs. She had a problem with them and almost had to have them amputated. The Dr was able to put stints in and saved the leg. She was happy about that. This time we were not so lucky. She started having problems with the legs again and the Dr went in to clean out the stints. This time the dye from the contrast was too much for Nana's system and her kidneys started to shut down. She was also having a hard time breathing due to infections and asthma. My Dad had let me know that Nana was dying and that he was flying in to see Nana off. I called work to let them know that I would not be coming in and went to New Jersey to see Nana.
Aunt Debbie was at the hospital and called to let me know that Nana might not make it till I got there. If I wanted to talk to her that she would hold the phone out to Nana. She could hear me talking to her. I told her I would call her back. What do you say to your Grandmother? How do you say thank you and goodbye? How do you let her know that you are so proud of everything she has done, that you look up to her and that she will always be in your heart? The lessons you learned from her far outweigh things you learned from a book. How do you say everything you want to say when there isn't enough time? To be honest I called back and told her I love her and that I am sorry for not coming around as much as I could have. That I wish I could have been around more. I really don't remember anything else from that converssation, well Nana didn't talk to me but the conversation I had. I can picture Nana saying, I understand and it was great seeing you and talking to you when we were together. That sometimes life gets in the way of things. Still, it wasn't enough time with her.
I walked into the hospital room and Aunt Debbie said, "Look Ma, Trish is here." Nana then picked her head up off the pillow and open her eyes. Not once but twice! It was like she was saying I knew you would come! Although she didn't really respond much after that, I knew she knew we were all there. Billy, Julie, Aunt Debbie, Uncle Howie, and Aunt Cathy. When I first got to the room it was just Aunt Debbie and myself. Aunt Debbie played some of Nana's favorite hymns. We sang along to them. Singing has always been a way for me to show my feelings and I was happy to be able to sing for Nana. I called my brothers and I offered to each of my brothers the same thing Aunt Debbie offered to me. Call and I would hold the phone out for her to hear them. None of my brothers took me up on it. Teddy, my oldest brother, decided to send me an email to read to Nana. (Side note, when my Grandfather was dying he did the same thing to me. I should have known better!) Not that I minded, to be honest, but I had trouble with my own thoughts and speaking to then do it for him was a little pressure. I read the letter but cried all the way through it. I am not even sure I got it all out the way he would have liked me to. I have no doubt that Nana knew what Teddy wanted to say. It was an honor to read that note to Nana. I would do it again, but hopefully, I never have to.
She knew we were there waiting with her for my dad to get there. Dad's flight had suppossed to have been getting in Newark at 4:30 but it had delays. If you have ever doubted God's grace, this once you can't. Although Dad had made peace with not being there if Nana decided to go before he got there I know that it would have been harder for him if he wasn't there. Dad was the rock that held everyone together. He was the one that was rational and calm. My father finally got to the hospital room around 8:30 8:45. Nana was still with us. She had waited for her first born to be with her to say goodbye.
The nurses that were there that day were not very happy with the family. The first one that was there when I got there, made it known that she did not approve of them waiting for my dad to get there. You see, Nana had very low blood pressure and was going to pass before my dad could get there. They asked if there was a way to keep her blood presuure up so that we could get there. The Dr agreed and gave her meds. They also were giving her pain medicine every 2 hours. Aunt Debbie knew the schedule and would tell the nurse about 15 to 10 minutes before they were due so that Nana would not be in pain. The nurse started to take longer and longer to give the meds to Nana. This upset everyone. When the blood pressure was so low Aunt Debbie said to Nana that her first born, Ted, was coming and her blood pressure went up. so it was like she was saying I am waiting for him! So it really didn't matter what the nurse thought because I believe Nana would have waited regardless. I am okay with a professional nurse to have her own beliefs and thoughts but when the family and Dr have made a decision that nurse needs to do what she is there for. When the 2nd nurse came in I saw them talking and the first nurse pointing and rolling her eyes at our room. I didn't say anything because, really, what would that change? When the 2nd nurse came in to introduce herself to us I made small talk with her. She already had the pre concieved notion that we were a problem family. She had a chip on her shoulder from the report of the 1st nurse. I was honestly hoping to change her opion of us. Just for the time, she was going to be with my family. At one point she got into an argument with one of my Aunts and my Dad reminded them that this was not the time or place. We all sat by Nana and we started talking about nothing really, just life. Memories and idle chit chat. I work in an emergency room in Pa and know the signs of the end. I was watching Nana breathe. She had 16 reps a minute then 14, 12, 14 then 4. I said that the time is here and everyone started to cry. We all stood around and waited. I went out to let the nurse know that Nana was leaving. She looked at the monitor and someone said not yet. I looked at her and said yes now. I walked into the room and my dad hugged me. We all stood around the bed holding hands. My Dad held onto Nana's hand and so did Debbie. Nana then left as we prayed her home. Peaceful can not really explain the moment. My Dad said it would have been really neat to have a picture of us around her praying. When you think of it, it would be a great picture to have. Sending a Proverbs 31 woman back to her maker.
She knew we were there waiting with her for my dad to get there. Dad's flight had suppossed to have been getting in Newark at 4:30 but it had delays. If you have ever doubted God's grace, this once you can't. Although Dad had made peace with not being there if Nana decided to go before he got there I know that it would have been harder for him if he wasn't there. Dad was the rock that held everyone together. He was the one that was rational and calm. My father finally got to the hospital room around 8:30 8:45. Nana was still with us. She had waited for her first born to be with her to say goodbye.
The nurses that were there that day were not very happy with the family. The first one that was there when I got there, made it known that she did not approve of them waiting for my dad to get there. You see, Nana had very low blood pressure and was going to pass before my dad could get there. They asked if there was a way to keep her blood presuure up so that we could get there. The Dr agreed and gave her meds. They also were giving her pain medicine every 2 hours. Aunt Debbie knew the schedule and would tell the nurse about 15 to 10 minutes before they were due so that Nana would not be in pain. The nurse started to take longer and longer to give the meds to Nana. This upset everyone. When the blood pressure was so low Aunt Debbie said to Nana that her first born, Ted, was coming and her blood pressure went up. so it was like she was saying I am waiting for him! So it really didn't matter what the nurse thought because I believe Nana would have waited regardless. I am okay with a professional nurse to have her own beliefs and thoughts but when the family and Dr have made a decision that nurse needs to do what she is there for. When the 2nd nurse came in I saw them talking and the first nurse pointing and rolling her eyes at our room. I didn't say anything because, really, what would that change? When the 2nd nurse came in to introduce herself to us I made small talk with her. She already had the pre concieved notion that we were a problem family. She had a chip on her shoulder from the report of the 1st nurse. I was honestly hoping to change her opion of us. Just for the time, she was going to be with my family. At one point she got into an argument with one of my Aunts and my Dad reminded them that this was not the time or place. We all sat by Nana and we started talking about nothing really, just life. Memories and idle chit chat. I work in an emergency room in Pa and know the signs of the end. I was watching Nana breathe. She had 16 reps a minute then 14, 12, 14 then 4. I said that the time is here and everyone started to cry. We all stood around and waited. I went out to let the nurse know that Nana was leaving. She looked at the monitor and someone said not yet. I looked at her and said yes now. I walked into the room and my dad hugged me. We all stood around the bed holding hands. My Dad held onto Nana's hand and so did Debbie. Nana then left as we prayed her home. Peaceful can not really explain the moment. My Dad said it would have been really neat to have a picture of us around her praying. When you think of it, it would be a great picture to have. Sending a Proverbs 31 woman back to her maker.
She was a woman who loved the Lord with all of her heart. She was given the gift of hospitality. This was a gift she gave away freely. She loved hosting brunches and get togethers. She was famous for her Cheesecake and cabbage rolls. Well, famous atleast in my family. She would always make us the biggest sandwhiches when we came to visit. She didn't care if we were only allowed one piece of cheese and one piece of meat. She always made sandwiches that were "dagwood sandwhiches". You know the kind that are bigger than your head! I will remember Nana not only for her hospitality but also for her heart. She was a woman who, if you asked her for help she would be there in a minute. She gave her heart freely. Asking nothing in return. She was a woman who fought most of her life. She made hard choices but came out stronger than ever. She taught me that there are two sides to every story, every memory. Sometimes we only see a small part of a bigger picture. Sometimes when life hands you nothing but crap, you can use that to make beautiful flowers grow. Nana, you were a beautiful flower. I will miss you. I love you dearly.
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